If that was your dad, he is hot
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize