watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
