A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
