Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
