Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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