I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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