I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
