oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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