That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
