dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize