Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
