let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
