If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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