He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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