Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
