Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
