Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We left the knife in your bed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
