There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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