Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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