Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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