I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
