So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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