He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And then he peed in my hair
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