so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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