bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
