how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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