my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
