You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I could make wine with my vomit
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
tell me about the eggs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
