So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
