My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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