The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize