True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
