she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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