Heybabeimwearingurpanties
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
