So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I touched a dick in church today
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
