At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize