Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize