She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize