You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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