Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
