If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
