Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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