I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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