I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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