I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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