I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
