Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize