some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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