So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
