Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
