that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
