what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
