When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
