So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
