Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
