my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
