i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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