How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
