Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
