She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
