just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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