I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
