when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize