I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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