I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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