my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
