I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
